SUBMITTED BY COKE: Review of JEDI KNIGHT II ONLINE - Wednesday, June 12, 2002 - WintyreFraust | |
| I picked up Jedi Knight II: Jedioutcast and I was immeditely impressed with the graphics and gameplay. The programmers of this game did a great job and have raised the bar for other first person shooters. I started out playing through some of the beginning levels getting used to my movements, how to equip weapons, aim, and kill stormtroopers. After a few hours I used some of the in-game codes to give myself all the force powers and a double lightsaber. It was cool, I was running around using my force powers to push people off buildings and slicing off limbs with my lightsaber. Without Yoda training me I was a full fledged Jedi Master. I felt invincible and decided to give my elite Jedi skills a try with the multi-player option. Having come from a Quake3-Arena background I suspected there might be a problem with "cheaters". I went to the JKII website and in their FAQ under, "will you allow cheaters?", they responded they will be using the same anti-cheat code that Quake3-Arena uses. This didn't make me feel better as Quake3-Arena is a haven for aimbots and other cheat programs. It is very frustrating to be killed in one hit from 500 yards away by someone's aimbot. If I am playing online against other players I want to test my skills against theirs - not my skills against whatever cheat programs they got off the internet. After doing a bit of a search on all the underground cheat sites I couldn't find any hacks out for JKII yet. Great. So I checked the servers for games. I decided to play on a low ping "capture the flag" server. After a few minutes of loading I was put in the game and allowed to configure my force powers. I chose the "dark side" and put points into lightning (you can shoot lightning at people via your fingers like Lord Sidious). I picked the lizard dood avatar and clicked join red team. I was ready to kick ass and chew bubble gum. I materialized in the game with my newbie blaster. I looked around for a second and saw a flaming bolt of light coming at me. I was then dead and saw the message flash on the top of my screen, "Coke has been rocketed by Used Tampon!" I then materialzed in a different area. I changed my weapon to lightsaber and hit TAB to see who was on my team. I had such illustrious personalities fighting at my side as, "Jabba the slut" and "Luke is a fag". With such a lineup I knew we had a leg up on the competition. So I started running through the red tunnel. After 15 seconds or so I saw a blue pigmy looking guy with a lightsaber. I ran up to him hoping to engage him in some Darth Vader style lightsaber action. He then lifted his hand up, using the force and I was knocked down. He then spun around real fast and backstabbed me with his lightsaber. I was dead faster than you can say Jawa. I saw the embarassing message flashed on the screen for all to see - "Coke was sabred by Used Tampon!" I materialized again, this time near our red flag. I decided to try a different strategy and guard the flag. I ran nearby and grabbed a wookie bowcaster and stood next to the flag - like Rambo with weapon in hand. After a minute or so of me standing there I see one of the doors open and Used Tampon comes running at me like a Kentucky Derby racehorse. I took careful aim and let one fly at his head. The bolt from my bow bounced off his lightsaber and hit a wall. Used Tampon runs right up to me and sticks out his hand, using the force to push me down. He then spins around and backstabs me again and I was dead. "Coke was sabred by Used Tampon!" followed immedietly by, "The red team has stolen the flag!" I then materialized in the hall, right next to a missle launcher system. I greedily picked it up and ran down the hall. I ran through a door and into an open courtyard unaccosted. I ran down the enemy hall and into their courtyard where I saw the blue flag. I ran up to it with my missle launcher in hand. I was about to grab it when my body disintigrated and I saw the message flashed on the screen, "Coke has been sniped by Darth Bush!" I materialized again in the red courtyard. I saw "luke is a fag" standing next to me. He turns to me and starts firing. Since he was on my team I wasn't getting damaged but it was still annoying. I ran up to the flag with my lightsaber in hand and Luke is a fag follows me still firing his pistol. He ran out of ammo and then equiped his lightsaber and started slicing at me. I ran down the hall and he followed me slicing at my back with his lightsaber. I turned a corner and I saw Used Tampon. He used his force and pushed me down from across the hall. He then ran up to me with Jedi Speed and did his little spinning-backstab move and I was dead again. I then saw, "Luke is a fag has been sabred by Used Tampon!" so I figured the force wasn't with Luke or I that day. . I materialized for the umpteenth time and started running around collecting weapons. I had a Heavy Repeater in hand and I ran up to some poor blue guy in the hall and shot him in the back. He died. As if sensing a disturbance in the force, Used Tampon, my arch nemesis, seemed to appear out of nowhere. He proceeded to use his little backstab move on me but he was in for a surprise. He threw me against the wall and I went down faster than Enron stock. He backed up against me about to backstab me and from around the corner came my loyal teammate, "Jabba the slut". He lifted his rocket launcher and blew Used Tampon into a few dozens pieces. I got up, dusted myself off and I followed my new found friend into the enemy camp. Jabba the slut grabbed the flag and I covered his back all the way to our camp. The message, "The red team has scored!" flashed on the screen and then my body disintegrated on the flag podium. "Coke has been sniped by Luke is a fag!". Luke had switched sides, the traitor. Our team ended up losing but all in all it was fun, I guess. I need to do some research to see how to counter that backstab move. May the force be with you ... here. | |