Lost Dung of Norrath released err... - Friday, September 12, 2003 - D 0ne | |
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Quitting - Thursday, September 4, 2003 - D 0ne | |
| I remember the first time I ever actually quit something that was important to me, very important. It was in 1982 I was a junior on the high school varsity football team and I was standing on the sideline waiting my chance to play. I looked over at a senior who wasn’t playing. He wasn’t going to play. He wasn’t a starter. I decided right then and there that at the end of the season I was done. Even though I was 6’ 2” and looked skinny but weighed 195 lbs, I wasn’t going to start at tight end or defensive end. I was a smoker. Everyone knew I was a smoker and the only thing that kept me from being removed from the team was the fact that I was a damn good football player. I didn’t quit smoking. I quit playing football. It wasn’t me. If Nick Buoniconti could do it, I could. To bad I didn’t understand then that I wasn’t Nick Buoniconti. I’d set the tone for my life and I was all of seventeen years of age. My dreams were to be followed and if those dreams couldn’t be fulfilled it was somebody else’s fault. No need for me to change, no need for inner searching or realignment with reality, no that was kowtowing to the man. I wasn’t going to break, I wasn’t going to “lose” in the most ethical or moral sense, no by Fn God I was right! I should design games and believe beyond any shadow of a doubt that time and randomness must be the limiting factor in the games advancement. Randomness and time are fun, I should believe that, it should be my vision, my dream, my reality. Being a stubborn person has its drawbacks. Drawbacks like doing the same wrong thing over and over again because you’re self-righteous in the worse sense of the word. I have a vision, a dream, of how things should be, and I’m not deviating from that vision, regardless of how much harm I’m going to do to others or myself. Perhaps it’s time to step back a little. To reevaluate the dreams, align them closer to reality and stop my frustration, which will stop my anger, rage and eventual depression. If you know how the world is, and how people are, why be amazed that when events and people turn out the way you expect? Why not just accept the facts and move on. Why not use those facts to help your dream come true? The world is not a dream like place. You really can’t smoke cigarettes and play football. You really can’t win a RPG. There really is no good reason to slow progress down in an RPG. You really can’t force people to follow your vision or your dream. It’s time a whole lot of us stopped being self-righteous and started allowing our dreams to be molded by the real world. You can’t always get what you want but if you try sometimes you might just find you get what you need. Happy gaming and don’t let the fact that you’re sure you’re right, make others and yourself miserable. | |